Hahaha, Hohoho and a Couple of Tralalas.

That man right there, for the uninformed, is the legendary Neil Diamond.
This man has become a prominent feature in my life ever since I met The Grandad.

The boy got such a nickname purely from his old man style anecdotes and life lessons. Wisdom simply pours out of him, the problem is that it's more often than that is about something generally useless or Neil Diamond related.

(Well there the same thing really aren't they?)

Excellent Neil Diamond one liners in the past have included:

1) Did you know Neil Diamond actually wanted to write musicals.
2) Neil Diamond was an excellent fencer.
3) The first Neil Diamond album to sell 1 million copies was called "Touching You, Touching Me"

The latter of which produced one of those filthy guffaws from The Lothario.

The Grandad is essentially 18 going on 80.
However, like most 80 year olds, there's a lot more to him. The Grandad has deep deep deep levels.

One particular conversation began with this statement from moi:

"What is the actual point?"

The grandad paused and came out with this.

"Comedy and Sex"

I laughed and he explained his answer with a straight face. Apparently the logic goes something like . . .

Comedy is important, because you need to be happy. If you're not happy then people aren't going to get on with you and you're life is going to be a miserable mess. And sex is important becuase its fun, a form of exercise (so it keeps you healthy) and necessary for procreation. But the two must never ever ever be practised together. You don't want someone to burst out laughing when you drop your in the middle of things.

That little gem always keeps me smiling.

That and the fact that Neil Diamond actually allowed an album to be called "Touching You, Touching Me."

"Think I'll Drop My Anchor In That harbour Over There..."

The Players all have their own defining characteristics.

There's The Overthinker, The Quiet One, The Shrew, The Show Off, The Hypochondriac and, of course, The Lothario.

The latter, at first, was fairly insignificant to be honest. He flew under the radar because well, we didn't talk. Shame really.

We'd overhear excerpts of his shenannigans. Anecdotes that would include themes such as:

Drinking

Sex

Films

if not a combination of all of the above.

Now though,

It's a whole different story.

The Tutor [henceforth possibly referred to as The Dick or The Twat or The C*nt - more of whom later] had low expectations. He has his favourites and really that will never change and thats how he grades work along with his prejudiced first impressions. Needless to say, him and The Lothario do not get along.

The Dick reckons L is a timewaster, who only chose Theatre Studies as a doss and although he may not be completely inaccurate, over the past six months he continually failed to give L the credit he deserved.

The two have a bizarre relationship.

From the outside, you'd mistake them for quarelling lovers.

Well . . . on The Dick's part anyway.

Their banter is a rapid exchange of dirty, derogatory, ego stroking metaphors and insults and is really quite something to behold.

The Lothario for example, can turn any innocent phrase into a dirty joke or penis reference 'cos that's simply how his mind works. The result of his sordid brain can be seen in his childish guffaws and outbursts that are frequent occurences and often highlights in the Twat's lessons.

The day I knew the kid was alright, was after this little gem:

Tutor: You will never get anywhere in life acting like that!"

Lothario: I beg to differ."

Tutor: Do enlighten me."

Lothario: I have a massive penis. It's gonna get me a helluva lot further than an A-

Level in Drama."

He swung his satchel over his shoulder and strode out of the theatre.

And let me tell you, judging from his gait, he wasn't lying.

Getting To Know . . . Well . . . Each Other

My time at high school was a friggin' disaster. Any friendship or relationship that I had I burned to the ground with my own paranoia and critical self awareness. Quite frankly, when I arrived at Runshaw, it was daunting. I had no idea where I was going with my life, if I'd get on with anyone, if I'd actually manage to survive the week.

I had a pretty good idea of the pressure I was going to be under. The parents were a nightmare as always, with their high expectations and competitive nature. Woe betide me if I failed to get straight A's or became anything other than a Doctor or an equally prestigious member of society.

I also had a pretty good idea about the academic rigmarole I was going to put myself through.

Chemistry, Christ.

Biology, For feck's sake.

English, SNORE.

Spanish, ME ODIO!

but there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

Drama and Theatre Studies.

The parents had already made their feelings perfectly clear.

"It won't get you anywhere." "Acting isn't a career." "You're not exactly talented." "Why not try something a little more academic?" "Keep it as a hobby."

But for once I was determined to do something for myself. YEARS and YEARS I had been under their thumb, playing the role of dutiful daughter and obeying their every whim.

At the end of the day, it would be me sitting through 13 and a half hours of covalent bonding, glycolisis, Hawthorne and conjugating verbs a week. I needed a resbite and an escape.

At the end of the day, that was what Drama was.

What it had been for the past 10 years.

The Wednesday afternoon in September 2007 that I met The Players was easily one of the best of my life. Their immediate acceptance and warmth made me feel at ease for the first time in my life and allowed me to be completely inhibited in the way that I behave around other people.

They have removed nearly all of my social awkwardness and shyness and their continued sunny disposition and light hearted attitudes have helped to lift me out of great big black holes of depression and self doubt.

They are truly brilliant people, and the curtain is coming down on our time together. (Feel free to cringe at that cliche metaphor, by all means.)

This is a blog not about me, but about the last few weeks that we have left together, where I can post whimsical anecdotes as a tribute and long lasting memoriam of the amazing time we've had together.

Without sounding pretentious, Oscar Wilde sums the experience up kinda nicely:

"I regard the theatre as the greatest of all art forms, the most immediate way in which a human being can share with another the sense of what it is to be a human being."

Word Oscar. Word.